CUT! InuYasha OutTakes
by Maho Pixy Kyura
Summary: What the filmers of InuYasha didn't want you to see. (pg-13 for some language)
1. Series 1

InuYasha 'CUT!'s  
#1  
Sesshoumaru: Wait… WAIT! Stop everyone, I just lost my contact! Oh my gosh… Jaken! What are you waiting for?! HELP ME FIND IT!  
Jaken: Hey, when we're not filming, I'm not your minion! I'm gonna go get a sandwich. walks off  
Sesshoumaru: (sniff)  
InuYasha: (grumble) Well, someone's gotta help the loser find it. (starts looking on the ground)  
Sesshoumaru: Yay!  
Kagome: Hey, wait a sec… Sesshoumaru, you don't wear contacts!  
Sesshoumaru: (confused look, then a thoughtful one which lasts about a minute) Ohhh… (happy, carefree grin, then starts walking off)  
InuYasha: Where are you going NOW?  
Sesshoumaru: Sandwich. (continues off)  
Kagome: Grrrr… We're NEVER going to get this done before 5! I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT!  
  
#2  
InuYasha: (practicing some DDR moves without the pad) We're gonna burn burn burn the wood burn…   
Kagome: (rolling on the ground laughing)  
Miroku: (grins, sticking his head out from behind the camera)  
InuYasha: Wh-WHA???  
Miroku: (points to the little red 'recording' light)  
InuYasha: WHAT THE HELL? TURN THAT THING OFF… NOW! (runs over and puts hand on lens, laughter from Kagome and Miroku is heard)  
  
#3  
Rin: (singing and jumping from side to side) Moogles, moogles, moogles, moogles, moogles, moogles… (stops and freezes) What? We're FILMING?! (BEEEEP)  
  
#4  
Whole Cast: (waving arms around, singing) We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine, we all live in a-  
Director: STOP IT! Alright, ALRIGHT! I'LL GIVE YOU A RAISE!  
Whole Cast: Yay!  
Director: By $50.  
Whole cast: (standing for a second, completely still and quiet) Ohhh… (waving arms and singing) We all live in an orange tangerine, orange tangerine, orange tanger-  
Director: ALLLRIIIGHT! $100!  
Rin, Sesshoumaru, and InuYasha: And citrus fruit?  
Naraku: And Gouda cheese?  
Kagome: And KFC?  
Rin: And moogles?! (all stare) Uh, nevermind. How 'bout just citrus-scented soap instead?  
Director: ALRIGHT, OK, OK, whatEVER! Just, PLEASE, can we FILM?!  
Whole Cast: Okie dokie then!  
Director: And, action!  
Sango: I… uh… (pause) Now what was my line again…?  
Director: AHHH! (pulls out hair and runs off cliff)  
Whole Cast: …  
Sesshoumaru: Does this mean we don't get citrus fruit?  
  
#5  
InuYasha: I… (thunder, and rain) Ah, DAMMIT!  
Sesshoumaru: (comes into view, running around) RAIIIN! Raain! Raiiin!  
InuYasha: Hey, wait a minute, you're not in this scene. You're not even in this EPISODE!!!  
Sesshoumaru: WHEEE! (runs around InuYasha)  
Miroku: Ok, what did they give Sesshoumaru, and more importantly- Give me some, too!  
  
#6  
InuYasha: Kagome, I… (stares into Kagome's eyes)  
Rin: (chasing after Jaken) GIMME BACK MY CANDY!  
Jaken: No… NEVEEER!  
InuYasha: What the…?! Aw man, and I was SO close to scoring too! But that brat and the toady had to ruin it all for-  
Kagome: INUYASHA! This is just fiction, REMEMBER?  
InuYasha: (teary eyes) Y-you mean you d-don't… really… like m-me?  
Kagome: Uh, well, not particularly…  
InuYasha: (bursts into tears) I'LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN! If you need me, I'll be drowning myself in my trailer! (runs off)  
Kagome: If I didn't know better, I'd say InuYasha was going through 'that time of month'…  
Rin: (stops, gets sly look) And just how do you know better?  
Kagome: (embarrassed look) Sh- SHUT UP! (takes off after Rin)  
  
#7  
Sango: Just what do you think you're doing, fuck?  
Miroku: WHAAAT??  
Sango: (weird look) …what? Did… (waits for a second then realizes what she said) OH MY GOD, I'm so SORRY, Miroku! (face goes bright red)  
Miroku: Th-that's… (falls down, laughing) o-ok-k-kay… 


	2. Series 2

#8  
Sesshoumaru: It is I, Sesshoumaru. You may know me as 'Prince of the  
Western Lands.' I'm here to tell you all that I'm just as cool, calm, and  
deadly in person as I am in... (rambles on)  
Director: What's he doing?!  
Sesshoumaru: Now, as the 'Prince of the Western Lands,' I... ("Country  
Roads" starts playing in the background) WHAT THE?!? I said WESTERN LANDS,  
not WEST VIRGINIA!  
Jaken: (sitting on a large boom-box) Yeah, well, I took some artistic  
liberties.  
Sesshoumaru: You little...  
Maho Pixy Kyura: (magically appears) Yeah, but I WISH you were prince of  
West Virginia! Then I could stalk you! Uh... ignore that I said that. (poofs  
away with lots of pretty purple smoke)  
Sesshoumaru: .... what?  
Shippo: WAAAASSUUUUP!  
Sesshoumaru: You people disgust me. (walks off)  
Jaken: Looks like SOMEONE'S in a bad mood! (explodes from the wrath of  
Sesshoumaru's glare) ... ow.

#9  
InuYasha: It's not- ack. It's... COUGH... it's- AHK...  
Kagome: Is InuYasha allergic to something?  
Shippo: I hope it's not dogs.  
InuYasha: Hey, I- ACK!  
Miroku: Maybe it's Kagome! (is hit in the head with a flying rock)  
InuYasha: No, it's... (falls onto the ground laughing) I was t-trying not t-  
to LAUGH! points to Kikyo, who is about to fall out of a tree) HEY,  
SOMEONE HELP ME HERE! MY HAIR'S STUCK ON A BRANCH! HEY...  
All but Kikyo: (pointing and laughing)  
Kikyo: Ok, as soon as I'm out of this tree, you're all in store for some  
miko-style ass-whippin'!  
Miroku: I bet you want to give us an ass-whipping, OHHHHH... (sees that  
Kikyo is almost done untangling herself) Oh... SHIT! (starts running)  
Kikyo: (falls out of tree) Ow... RUN MONK BOY, RUN LIKE THE WIND! (takes  
off after him)

#10  
Naraku: (sitting in the middle of a forest in his baboon costume)  
Shippo: (running, being chased by Kikyo, Kagome, and Sango)  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! NO! NO! DON'T LET HIM GET ME! DON'T  
LET HIM...  
Kikyo: SHIPPO-CHAN! It's just a COSTUME!  
Shippo: NO! NO it's NOT! He's a REAL monkey! He's a REAL monkey and he's  
brainwashed you into convincing me he isn't and he's going to come GET  
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  
Kikyo, Kagome, Sango: (stop, as Shippo runs on)  
Sango: What the fuck?  
Kagome: Shippo is freaking paranoid...  
Sango: Yeah, where does he come UP with this?  
Kikyo: (sigh) I suppose we better go find him. From now on, Shippo's not  
gonna be in scenes with Naraku's monkey costume, over my dead body.  
Kagome: ... I can't stand it any longer!  
Kikyo and Sango: Huh..?  
Kagome: IT'S A BABOON PEOPLE, A BABOON!  
Kikyo: ... yeah.  
Sango: Thank you for your input, miss dictionary.  
Kagome: That's miss encyclopedia.  
Sango: WHATEVER!

#11  
Kagome: And now, we have a VERY special episode! The InuYasha MUSICAL HAPPY  
HAPPY FUN TIME HOUR!  
InuYasha: It's all thanks to our kind and flexible director. (camera cuts  
to director, who is tied up and gagged about 30 feet away, and then zooms  
in)  
All: THANKS DIRECTOR-SAN!  
Kagome: Anyway... nobody cares about him. AHEM. So, without further adieu,  
let's start the InuYasha MUSICAL HAPPY HAPPY FUN TIME HOUR!  
InuYasha: You like saying that, don't you?  
Kagome: It's fun...  
InuYasha: Anyway. Now, we introduce you to-  
Kagome: (head grows huge as flam surrounds her) I'M THE ANN- WAIT a second...  
this is FLAM! Not FLAMES! It should be FLAMES! ... they aren't going to  
change?!? (takes a can of gasoline, douses the flam, and lights it on fire  
with a flamethrower) Now. Ahem. I'M THE ANNOUNCER, HOSTESS, AND WILL DO ALL  
THE ANNOUNCING OF ANY KIND!  
InuYasha: (cowering) Oh... okay.  
Kagome: (is cheerful again as she discreetly pulls a lever to drop water on  
the fire to put it out) Now, our first song will be about Naraku, the evil  
demon who was created by a man's lust for Kikyo! (many of the cast come in,  
dressed as spiders, and a cardboard building is set up. Naraku is in his  
monkey costume except tighter like a superhero costume appears. Shippo is  
evidently not there.)  
Singers: Ohhhhh.. SPIDER MONKEY! (singing) Spider monkey, spider monkey,  
does things that spiders and monkeys do! Jumps around, spins a web, but we  
all wish that he was dead, WATCH OUT! Here comes the spider  
maaaaaaaaaaaaan...  
Director: (has gotten out of his bonds, tied up the replacement camera man  
(Koga), and is back at the camera) EEEENOUUUUUUGH!  
Kagome: Oh... CRAP.  
InuYasha: We're doomed.  
Sango: RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! (everyone commences to run away before the  
director can get to them)


	3. Series 3

Naraku: (sways drunkenly and falls over) Nighteh night, peoplesh...  
Kagome: Lalalalala... (squish of Kagome's foot hitting Naraku's shoulders) ewwwww... I stepped in Naraku...  
Naraku: Hey, thaa feelsh kinda... hey, loosh, it a gwasshoppah!  
Kagome: ... you're drunk, aren't you?  
Naraku: Noooo. Shippo jusht dare-ed me to shmell da magical fooms offa da paint oba there! An guess what!!!  
Kagome: You did?  
Naraku: HEY! I WASH GONNA SHAY THAA! YOU ISH A PSHYCHOOOO!  
Kagome: Don't you mean 'psychic'?  
Naraku: Nah. SHUH UP, EVIL PSHYCHO BUNNEH CREATURE FROM PLANET AZUBLAMANABANANACABANASHMHOO.. WAAAA..  
Kagome: ... are you done?  
Naraku: NAH YEH!!! AZUBLAMANABANANACABANASHMHOO.. WAAAA.. BEZIMIMIMMEHKADALOO! Okeh, I be done.  
Kagome: (lifts foot slowly) Oooo... kaaaay... I'ma be going now.  
Naraku: Take care.  
Kagome: (slowly backing away) I will.  
Naraku: Eat all your vitamani...mi...ta...vaminia... nutrition thingys.  
Kagome: (still backing away) Uh, sure.  
Naraku: Dun talk to stwangahs!  
Kagome: (still backing away) Sure... fine...  
Naraku: COZ THEY BE BAAAD PEOPULS YA HEAR ME PSYCHO BUNNEH CREATUA?!  
Kagome: (stands for a second) Uh... right, right...  
Naraku: And...  
Kagome: (breaks into a run the other direction) EW EW EW, my foot, like... TOUCHED HIM!!! EWWW!  
  
Shippo: Hey Jaken, what up, dawg?  
Jaken: Pardon me, young fox being? Dog, you say? I am no canine familiar. I'm not exactly sure, but I think I might be a toad. And as for what's up... well, lots of things, my vulpine friend. Like the sky, and tree branches, and...  
Shippo: ... Uh, k.  
Jaken: Ah! K! The 11th letter of the alphabet. It makes a hard kuh sound. Unlike its sometimes similar-sounding brother, c, it cannot make a sss sound. And...  
Shippo: Jaken, what are you on?  
Jaken: What am I on, you say? Why, I do believe I'm on the ground...  
Shippo: Uh... right.  
Jaken: The direction that is not left!  
Shippo: Screw this. I'm going to see if I can get Naraku to sniff paint again.  
Jaken: Screw what? First we'll need a powerdrill...  
  
Koga: Ah, but I am in despair. For the one I love, she knows not I exist... Even on screen, she barely remembers my name. Woe is I, the lowly wolf, paling in her vast beauty...  
Jaken: Um, who are you talking to?  
Koga: Ah, her servant! Tell me, what does she think of me?  
Jaken: She..? But you can't mean... RIN?!  
Koga: No, no, no way!! I'm not like THAT, man!  
Jaken: Well I don't know who you could mean...  
Koga: Sessho-  
Jaken: WHA?? Um, you do know that HE is a BOY, right?  
Koga: ... Sesshoumaru's not a girl?!  
Jaken: DUH. If you couldn't tell by anything else, you should have at LEAST known by his voice!  
Koga: WTF?!? ... DAMN. I HAVE TO GO BURN MY DIARY, RIGHT NOW!!!

Myouga: UGH! This blood is sooo nasty. Why do I have to actually bite him?! I'm breaking my vow as a vegetarian flea!!!  
Director: So it'll be realistic! It's all about the realisticness, baby!  
Myouga: ... you're concerned with REALISTICNESS?! Our show is about a fucking half dog boy who fights demons and a well that SCREWS WITH THE FABRIC OF TIME!!!  
Director: Like I said, realisticness!  
Myouga: That's it, I QUIT!  
Shippo:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO(coughcough)OOOOO... ooo... oh, wait, am I in this scene?  
Myouga: We're not filming, numbskull.  
Shippo: I am NOT a numbskull! (whacks self in head REALLY hard) OWWIE! WAAAAH! falls over See?  
  
InuYasha: (reading through some mail) DAMN YOU PEOPLE! We are NOT really halfbrothers! Although we ARE distantly related.  
Kagome: How so?  
InuYasha: He's my sister's husband's aunt's cousin's niece's brother's wife's mother's second husband's... well, we're related somehow.  
Kagome: ... you don't have a sister.  
InuYasha: WHY MUST YOU BE SOOO CRUEL! (runs off sobbing)  
Kagome: ...  
Shippo: You're really mean to him, you know.  
Kagome: Wtf?! SOMEONE has to remind him that he doesn't have a sister, that the earth is not square, that puppies can't fly, much less fly across the English channel, that umbrellas are SUPPOSED to keep you dry, that volley balls don't have eyes, that...  
Shippo: OKAY! I GET THE PICTURE ALREADY!


End file.
